Changing Habits - Do We Focus On Outcomes or Identity?
How we get to keep our habits, determines where our energy is focused.
Hello friends,
Welcome to another post from The 3Min Club.
What a week can do to our lives. As I am writing this to you, Singapore (where I currently am), is back to semi-lockdown again. We are seeing an increasing number of cases and clusters due to the Delta variant.
I don’t know about you, but this year seems to hit me harder than last.
For my friends in Western Hemisphere, I hope you are doing well and keeping safe. It appears to me that this virus is “bouncing” left and right across the planet. Maybe someone should just shoot it up to Planet Mars since the ultra-rich billionaires are making their trips out of this world. :P
Jokes aside, I want to share a recent thought about getting to our goals and the habits we create.
As I approach 37 in two weeks, I felt like it’s time to make some new changes in my life.
While watching 14 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy over the past 3 months, I started this newsletter - The 3M Club. It felt good when the decision was made because I had been searching for a sense of peace and purpose with it. I had been trying to get clarity as to what the newsletter is about and I finally found it.
And that’s just the first step.
Growing it and showing up consistently week by week, requires more than just passion.
It demands commitment and dedication even if no one seems to be reading or commenting. I have to surround myself with good energy and positive habits to aid me in keeping at this long game.
Recently, I started reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits. In chapter 2 of the book, Clear wrote on why most of us fail to keep up with good habits. It struck a chord with me.
As a trained behavioral health coach, I know cultivating the right habits is the key to getting to our goals. Making those small habit changes do compound, and definitely can make a difference in our lives in mere 12 months.
But right now, I simply can’t get past changing some of my poor and ineffective habits.
The brain knows what to do but the heart is fighting against it. The body just succumbs to whatever the brain chemistry is telling it to do. I know about the cue-routine-reward habit cycle, but why is changing my habits now in the middle of a pandemic seem harder to implement?
James Clear pointed out that most times when we struggle to stick to a positive habit is because we are not looking at the direction of our change!
He asked, are we setting outcome-focused goals, or are we setting identity-driven goals?
How we begin our goals determines how we get to keep our habits.
And how we get to keep our habits, determines where our energy is focused.
In other words, we get to keep what our energy is focused on.
We get to keep what we are fighting so hard for.
So the big, fat and really difficult question today is — What is in your identity?
If you are cooking, you are a cook, even if you aren’t working as one in a commercial kitchen.
If you are training in a disciplined manner, you are an athlete, even if you aren’t qualified to compete in the Olympics.
If you are playing the guitar, you are a musician, even if you have not released a record album.
Many motivational speakers often quote - “I am are the two of the most powerful words; for what you put after them shapes your reality.”
If you say, “I am trying to be a guitar player.”, you are effectively telling yourself that you are not a guitar player, and so the brain does not feel like doing it and you often have to rely on willpower to show up and play.
When you say, “I am a musician”, this will prime you to show up and play the guitar, almost effortlessly.
As Master Yoda says it best — “Do or do not. There is no try.”
Who are you today?
I hope today’s 3M in 3 minutes will get you moving.
Yours, Yan
P.S. I have added visuals for the 3Min posts to aid you in picking up the habit to move mindfully. Let me know if this is helpful. 😄
Set a timer for 1 minute each.
1: Movement - Lying Bridge March
Start your timer for 1-minute and do the following.
Lie on a mat, with both knees bent, feet flat on the ground. (Supine position)
Inhale to begin, exhale lift your hips up towards the sky. Support your lower back or hips with both palms.
Slowly peel your heels off, then on tiptoes and foot completely off the floor.
Keep your pelvis as level as possible.Now, slowly reverse that movement of your foot back on the floor.
Repeat for the other foot.
Repeat again on both feet as if you are marching.
EASIER VERSION: Just do tiptoe march, without lifting your foot off the floor.
BREATHING CUES: Once in the hip bridge position - just breathe deeply with a braced core while you are marching.
Keep marching until 1 minute is up.
2: Mantra - “I Experience Joy Today”
Start your 1-minute timer. Repeat the above statement, “I Experience Joy Today” either silently in your head or out loud.
Do this with slow and deep breaths or whatever feels comfortable for you. Repeat until 1 minute is up.
3: Mindfulness - 👀 Eyes, what do you see?
(Working with our 5 senses mini-series)
You can choose to sit in a quiet room or be out walking intentionally. We want to set aside a minute for this practice.
Today’s mindfulness practice is inspired by the Zen Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh
“Go home to present. Every time you go there and recognize a condition of happiness that you have, happiness comes.”
Start timer for 1 minute.
Find a comfortable place where you won’t be interrupted for a minute.
Rub both palms together about 3-5 times.
Cup your eyes with both palms. (Remove your glasses if you wear them.)
Breathe in deep for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale 4 counts. Repeat this 3 more times.
Now, gradually, remove your palms from your face. Slowly open your eyes.
As you open your eyes, what do you see?
Look around your environment. Connect with your sight.
Listen to what your eyes may be showing you.
Do you notice the things that are usually around you? Or do you notice something else that you may have missed? Are there any colors or items that particularly stood out to you?
If you like to, you can stand up and walk around, continuing to let your sense of sight guide your steps and highlight any particular scenes that stood out to you.
When 1 minute is up, pause what you are doing.
Give thanks for your healthy eyes today.
Reflect how are you using your gift of sight — Are you looking or seeing or gazing?
We may not realize how we often take our eyes for granted. We spent so much of our waking time using our eyes that we may neglect our eye care.
Our eyes are windows to our souls.
Other things I created for you:
I Was Destined to Be Famous Even Before I Was Born (Humor Article)
“During the ’80s, there was a famous celebrity chef called Martin Yan. At the end of each show, Chef Martin always told his fans, “If Yan can cook so can you!””
Appreciate your likes and comments.
Click on ❤️ to show a little support for my work, or leave a comment by clicking the title of this piece, if you are reading this from an email.
Looking forward to hearing from you. Have a great week ahead.
Yours,
Yan
Can't believe you got through 14 seasons already! I stopped at 10 😭😢